


when i touch you (i feel happy inside)

by callumsmitchells



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, hand holding, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:40:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26286598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callumsmitchells/pseuds/callumsmitchells
Summary: The first two times Ben and Callum hold hands - once in private, and once in public
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 3
Kudos: 77





	when i touch you (i feel happy inside)

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this could potentially be my last fic before i start uni again, it really does just depend on how busy i'm going to be with packing/moving - but i do have a fic going up on the 16th regardless
> 
> title comes from one of my favourite ever songs - i want to hold your hand by the beatles - which i was listening to as i thought of this fic idea
> 
> tumblr: @callumsmitchells

**private**

There's a calmness in the air. Ben's chest heaves, rising and falling with every deep inhale and exhale of breath, and he's laying on his back. Next to him is Callum, spread out lazily, his long limbs aching. There's a silence between them, but it's not awkward. Instead, it's peaceful. They don't need words to show how they feel, not after  _ that. _ Ben turns his head, resting his cheek comfortably against the pillow, fluffing up into the corner of his eye. He watches Callum, and his eyes follow the outline of his body. He admires how the light from the lamp behind him leaves a bright line on his silhouette. He can see his eyelashes, and watches as they fall with each slow blink, falling down to reach near his cheeks. Freckles litter his face, but they're only really visible when he gets really close to Callum, as he is now. Brown flecks stain him, a cluster of them over the bridge of his nose before they fade out to his cheeks. His stubble is more prominent now, having forgone shaving that morning. He can see it, a shadow forming on his top lip, prickling out of his jawline too, making his bone structure more prominent. Not even ten minutes ago, he could feel it too, feel the scratch against his skin with every slow movement. He's certain he'll end up with a rash because of it, but he can't bring himself to care. Not when he gets to see his boyfriend like this. 

Callum's spread out, one hand pressing against his chest, his fingers loosely rubbing against his bare skin. His other hand, the one closest to Ben is against the mattress, spaces between each of his fingers. 

Ben leans forward with a soft smile on his face, and attaches his lips to Callum's bare shoulder. He looks up at him through his fluttery eyelashes, and notices the corner of Callum's lips furl up. Callum turns to look at Ben, and he moves the hand that was once on his chest to now thread his fingers through Ben's hair. 

"You okay babe?" Callum asks, curling Ben's hair around his index finger before releasing it and repeating the motions. 

Ben hums against Callum's skin, his lips forming a smile. He's bone tired, but he can't help but fight the attraction of falling asleep against Callum's body in lieu of just wanting to look at him and take it all in. He rolls back onto his back, and stares up at the ceiling, letting his eyes fall shut temporarily. His arm is against the mattress, and he can feel the warmth of Callum incessantly to the side of him. He stretches his pinky finger out, and it touches Callum's hand. He feels like a school kid, bumping his hand against his crushes hand for the first time. He pulls his pinky away for a second, before scalding himself. Something is pulling him closer and closer to Callum, and this moment is so perfect. He lifts his hand up, not too high, and silently covers Callum's hand with his own. It stays like that for a few short moments, just Ben's hand on top of Callum's, skin against skin. Ben turns to face Callum again, and sees Callum staring back at him, his ocean tinted eyes tracking his facial features. Ben smiles softly, and Callum reciprocates his action. Callum spreads his fingers wider, and feels Ben slotting his fingers in between the gaps. Ben squeezes tightly, and it pulls at Callum's heartstrings. 

"We've never done this before." Callum says, a thought that stumbles out of his mouth and into the atmosphere.

"Done what?" Ben asks, but he knows. 

Callum nods down to their hands, Ben's curling around Callum's, thumb running up and down his skin, leaving a tingle in its wake. "This." He says. "Held hands." 

Ben chuckles softly, and pushes his body so he's closer to Callum. "I know." He says, and takes Callum's bottom lip between his own, slow and sensual. "It just feels right, to do it now."

Callum smiles, accepting. He's not complaining, not at all. Ben's right, he knows he is. Their hands feel as though they belong in one anothers. 

* * *

**public**

It's Monday morning, and the start of a new week. Winter has soon come around, and it's holding Walford firmly within its grasps. Callum steps outside onto the pavement, thinking that Ben's following him, but judging by the taps of only his feet on the concrete, he's alone. He stands still, though he pivots so he's facing the house, and notices that Ben's not even ready yet. He's in a suit, ready for a day of working at the car lot, but that's it. His coat is still hanging up on the hooks that are on the wall, and he's only just shoving his feet into his shoes. It's bitterly cold, and the howl of wind causes a shiver to run right down Callum's back. The fresh air is nice, and the air is clear, but it's still definitely cold. It's the exact type of weather that causes a pink flush of cheeks on everyone, plus a bright red nose, but on the bright side of things - at least it's not raining. 

The sky is blue, though a few clouds are hanging up, all white and pristine and fluffy. It's only the early morning, but people are everywhere. Callum looks around, and he notices it's mainly school kids and working adults, all starting their day early, trying to get to wherever it is that they need to be. There's a few cars on the road, their engines chugging as their owners pour water over the windscreens in an attempt to de-ice them. Callum rubs his hands together, feeling the cold more and more with every second that ticks by. He's certain that by the end of today, his toes and his fingers are going to feel like blocks of ice, heavy and needing warmth. He's wearing his long coat, and even though that is keeping the cold at bay on most of his body, incubating what little warmth he has left, the rest of his body is already frozen. His teeth start to chatter, and the wind hits his cheeks like a thousand pins sticking into his body at once. It's paralysing, and he turns so the wind now hits his back instead. He watches Ben, who is crouching in the hallway to his home, with his left foot out in front of him. He's tying his shoe lace, and when that one is done, he moves onto his right shoe. He stands up, and pushes his hands down his chest and then his thighs, attempting to smooth any creases that have been forming on his suit, though it's in vain, because he then shrugs his coat on over his shoulders, and fastens the buttons on it.

"Is it really that cold?" Ben asks, looking down at his body to check that everythings in order.

"Freezing." Callum replies, looking at his watch. He's got plenty of time before he starts work, he's not opening up so he doesn't really have to be there early, but Ben's opening up the car lot early, so he made the decision to leave the confines of a warm bed to leave the house at the same time as him. "I'd be tempted to get back into bed, if I didn't have anywhere else to be." 

Ben groans, looking up at Callum. "Don't tempt me." He says. "That car lot's going to be freezing today. I'd be warmer standing outside." 

"Do you not have a heater?" Callum asks, tucking his hands into his coat pockets.

Ben looks around the hallway, checking to see if he's forgotten to pick anything up. He taps his pockets to feel for his phone, and then grabs his keys. "We do, yeah. But it's broke. I was meant to try and fix it, but I completely forgot. I reckon I'll have to go and get a new one anyway." He walks towards Callum, and steps out onto the concrete, before he pauses. "Folder. Give me a second." 

Callum chuckles, and shakes his head fondly. 

Ben reappears moments later, with a blue folder under his arm. He locks the front door, and Callum, without even thinking, holds his hand out, wiggling his fingers mid air. Ben pockets his keys, and they jangle as he turns around. He sees Callum's hand being held out for him, and he quickly takes it in his own hand, letting their fingers thread between the others comfortably. 

They walk together, their steps falling at the same time. Their hands fall down between them, holding onto each other without a care in the world. It's freezing, but somehow their hands are hot, a tingling feeling as their skin touches - it's electrifying. 

"Is this okay?" Callum asks, his thumb rubbing circles into Ben's skin. 

Ben looks up at him, a smile on his face. "Course it is. Can't promise I'll want to let go though."

Callum laughs, and lifts their hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to Ben's skin. He's got no idea whether it's his lips that are cold, or Ben's hand, but it's more than likely to be both. "I can give you twenty minutes of my time before I really need to leave, if you fancy that?" 

"Only twenty?" Ben teases. "Go on then. But only if you meet me in the cafe for lunch." 

"Of course." Callum says. 


End file.
